With apologies to Mark Twain, I used to believe slow play in golf was like the weather. Everyone talked about it, but nobody does anything about it.

The problem is age-old; a plague on the game that likely dates back to Slothful the Shepherd, who constantly held up his foursome with agonizing deliberations over which wooden stick to hit and the direction of those 15th century Scottish winds.

It is six centuries later and anyone who knows the difference between balata and gutta-percha understands the problem is getting worse, not better. And the trickle down effect from golf’s highest levels to wannabe scratch players at a goat ranch near you is having a negative effect on the game we love.

Like Uncle Ernie’s drinking problem, the subject has been tabled for too long. So how about an intervention?

Not making promises, but there is a ray of hope that action will be taken to clean up what is the game’s toxic mess. Fresh discourse on the subject has been opened recently offering hope to those of us who believe any round that requires one stinking minute over four hours is TOO LONG.

Peter Dawson, executive director of the R & A, the governing body in Europe , has become a crusader for the cause.

The very odd couple of Tiger Woods and Colin Montgomerie have spoken out on the distasteful practice.

Johnny Miller called out Sean O’Hair on national television after O’Hair insisted on repeating approximately 100 practice swings before each shot in the 2008 Arnold Palmer Invitational.

And you may think Rory Sabbatini is cocky and arrogant, but made he be blessed by the golf gods in perpetuity for finishing the 17th hole at the 2005 Booz Allen Classic and walking to the 18th tee while playing companion Ben Crane, who raises dillydallying before a stroke to an art form, stood frozen over his second shot in the 17th fairway.

In effect, Sabbatini was telling Crane, “Hit it or hatch it.’’

Now listen to Dawson on the subject.

“It certainly needs something done about it, not just for the running of professional events but for the effect it has on grass-roots play,’’ he said. “We do see people copying the stars, and I think it has had an effect on the pace of play.’’

Ya think?

If it pleases the court, I’ll offer two examples into evidence.

At the Masters, the final pairing of Trevor Immelman and Brandt Snedeker required 5 hours 10 minutes to complete play. Sure, the wind was blowing, Augusta ’s greens are incredibly difficult and there was a invaluable green jacket at stake. But more than five hours for an accomplished twosome? A couple of reasonably quick players could have lapped them – several times.

The Players Championship would have been much more exciting if the last group of Paul Goydos and Kenny Perry had come in under 4:45. Toss in the one-hole playoff between Sergio Garcia and Goydos, and that was another five-hour-plus viewing experience.
Notice I did not mention the snail’s pace on Thursdays and Fridays on the PGA Tour, when tournaments try to squeeze 144 or 156 players around the course from sun up to sun down. It takes the first group off the first tee more than 4 hours and 30 minutes to finish. And it only gets worse from there.

Montgomerie has no doubt.

“Golf’s gotten too slow,’’ he said. “That’s my bugbear in life. Five hours is an hour too long. There’s no reason why we can't get ‘round any course anywhere in the world in any conditions in four.’’

Here is Woods’ take, offered on his Website.

“It has been an ongoing problem on the PGA Tour for a long time,’’ he wrote. “It has been suggested offenders be penalized with strokes. The problem is you may get one guy who slows down a group for playing at a snail’s pace and gets them all put on the clock, which isn’t fair. I know this is a complicated issue. Hopefully, it can be addressed in the near future.’’

Simply put, the future is now. And there is a solution: Hit players with a two-shot penalty.
The LPGA has done it for the last couple of years. The players got the message. During a tournament in Hawaii this year, Angela Park was assessed a two-shot penalty for slow play and wound up losing by three.
Gee, what a concept. If players are threatened with losing strokes, you can bet they will speed up.
PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem won't commit to penalty strokes for slow play just now, saying the matter requires more study. But Dawson doesn't think there's much of a choice.

“The last thing we want to see is players being penalized,’’ Dawson said. “But unless there’s a realistic threat of it, it’s hard to see that this would improve.’’
Amen.

Regards,

Lagarde